Friday, May 30, 2008
The last of 1st grade
The last day of 1st grade?!?! How in the world did we get here so fast????? Wasn't this tall rough smelly boy just recently a soft warm round little toddler? And so goes the ongoing amazement of how kids grow. Why does this still shock us people? We know logically that its gonna happen, they're gonna grow and change and rather rapidly in these early years. So why am I still a bit on the shocked side looking at how much even this year has changed him (and all of us).
Just 9 months ago I walked my little-more-timid-than-now boy to the back door of the school every morning because he was nervous walking there alone or with other kids, he needed my hand to hold, and I needed his. I needed to see him walk in that door and know that he'd made it (all the way from the front of the school to the back) and I'd wish him a happy day, I'd truly wish it deep within me that it would be a happy day~I know it is hard for each child to have a voice in a classroom as large as public schools offer and I know that kids can be mean~ so each day I'd worry a bit and sincerely wish him a happy school day, a day when none of that tenderness would have to harden to adapt, a day where there were many many more smiles than sadness, a day that he could learn new things and that his heart wouldn't get hurt.
The months went on and somewhere along the way I was able to leave him at the front of the school and watch him walk to the back without my help. This was monumental feeling some days, moments that it would hit me how he is in the not so distant future going to be taking bigger steps away and find his own way without my hand to hold. Days where the conflicts that he faces are bigger and more tragic than what the playground at school will offer. Now before you think I'm nuts because he's only in 1st grade and there are years and years ahead before he's grown, think about any parent/grandparent you know, what is the one thing they all have in common? The one thing they all say over and over? "It went so fast, I can't believe how fast it went, how fast they grew up, how fast they were gone". If already, as young moms, we are amazed at the rapid changes our kids make in the early years (we're already saying "I can't believe how fast he/she's growing!") there is no reason to think it'll slow down.
The trick I hear, is to enjoy it while its happening. Live in the moment. And so I try my hardest to enjoy all these moments, to keep perspective on what is really important and what won't matter later, to smile and laugh with him Now instead of 'after the dishes are done'.
Today dropping him off for his last day of 1st grade and watching him run off with his best friend Bryson with barely a wave to me, no longer even thinking to ask if I will walk him to the door, I am happy that he's so secure and happy and yes, sad that this time is going so so fast. He is 7 but already so clearly I can see him grown more, making his own way, living his life with his whole heart. I will still be wishing him those happy safe days.