A little thrill in my day

 

This came yesterday and I'm so excited about it!  I gifted a ball to my friend and what she's doing with it is pretty great!  

I'm being pulled away from the computer to go knit now! 

Happy Birthday Makalooo! We love you!

I'm lucky enough to be this wonderful girl's aunt!  She just turned 8!  My mother-in-law threw a great party for her.  You know those goodie bags full of junk and candy that usually go home with kids after a party?  My mother-in-law did something so much more amazing than that!  Each of the kids went home with an actual gift, wrapped and all.  A good gift, as good as the birthday girl got!  How exciting would that be as a kid?  

Mak and her siblings have really been a blessing in my life, I love that they are 'mine'!  

Makaylyn is such a sweet girl, she is always helping and so often laughing and making everyone around her laugh.  She is such an artist (our walls are covered in her work!)  She's always creating and making things for people.  We want to say Happy happy birthday Makaylyn!  We love you Shousands!

Getting out of town does the soul much good!

The last few weekends have taken me out of town.  So nice to leave the 'so much snow' for a little less snow for a couple of days!  Nothing too big and exciting.  Just an overnight with the girls one weekend for the sake of getting away (to Logan) and then a multi purpose trip to a Ghost town (I mean, Rock Springs)  with John the next.  How sad that both of those places are so much more tropical than here!

I do, though, feel a bit reset after getting away and my house is very thankful that I'm motivated to clean it again!

Birthday parties, not just for kids anymore.

Happy Birthday Frannie!  I'm so glad she had a blast at her party since I secretly suspect it was really just a way for her parents to have another excuse to hang out with us, their wonderful friends!
Kellee is thinking she just won't wear underwear when she wears this dress because you might be able to see it:)  So nice of Frannie to let her borrow it!
I'm not sure if John would have made the effort to attend the party if Frannie didn't always call him "other daddy" (I'm "other mommie").  Glad he did though because one of the funniest parts of the evening to my silly brain was that Ozzie and John compared "owies":
J: I have this weird growth on my back
O: I have some weird growths
J: Want to feel mine?
O: Yes, want to feel mine?  Right here, weird tissue mass right?
J: Oh, very much like my weird tissue mass.  Amaaaazing.
and so on.   Not sure why but it really hit my FUNNY appreciation bone.

Mug Sculpting anyone?

Here is one of my favorite things that happened last week.  I was at my friend Kellee's and we were talking about how lately I have found drawing very meditative and it has been nice.  She said she'd been building with her son's blocks that morning (sans kids) and found the same thing.  A task you can 'busy' with but let your mind wander is a nice release and escape right? So the blocks were out, she built, we talked, she passed them to me, we still talked, out came the camera.  I joked that we should move our coffee mugs into the frame since 99% of our pictures together have mugs of coffee somewhere.  Then I joked that we could just build with coffee mugs and be sure to get all the comfort a mug can offer.  As soon as the words were out of my mouth we both realized what a brilliant idea this was for us in this moment and we HAD to do it.  So here are some photos of our fantastic coffee mug sculpture at Kel's.  I love love love that we were both so on board and so on the same page thinking this was the most wonderful idea!  So many people would just think it too silly to contemplate.  Not us, we're visionaries! 

Living vs. Surviving

I heard something today that made me think.  Thinking is always good right?
I heard the phrase -Living Deeply-.  I love that.  I love the idea of that.  And I love how possible it is.  I'm adopting it as one of my mantras.  That is what I want in life. 
The difference between living and surviving?  The living part.

Maybe we're feeling a little abstract?

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Spencer saw me working on this and decided it looked FUN so he joined me.

I was happy about how meditative it turned out to be.  I want to do another and another!  I also love that he sat there and enjoyed the process and the conversation that we found went with it.  Connecting with your kids and being able to see a little into them and how their minds are working, is there anything better?

On a different note, I'm so tempted to go pack now for my trip this weekend!  I am so ready to get out of town!  Not leaving until tomorrow morning though and only going for a couple of days, packing will not be a big enough job to start this early!

Girls weekend road trips are something to so look forward to!  Yay vacation!

Today's confessions

~confessions, reflections, tidbits, something.

~I love that at any given time I know that there are at least 2 places I can go for support and coffee (aren't they one and the same?)
~I really really really really want a Pepsi.  But I'm not having one.  This week marks 6 months since I had one.  Yes six. MONTHS.   Really.  I think at this point it is as much out of stubbornness as anything else that keeps this resolve strong.
~when I hear the words sea lions the voice in my head always says 'sea tigers' or 'see tigers'.  (something I get from my son, as his 2 year old self)
~I so want to go dancing this weekend but my vacation is with Julie, and Kym who don't like to dance, so I'm wondering how fond they'll be of the idea of going anyway.  I NEED to dance.  Now.
~purple is the color I think I might put back in my hair, I quite liked it when it was there before
~my friend Carey hit too close to home the other day when she said that I can't take care of everyone.  What to do with that bit of knowledge?
~the snow is my enemy, but I'd rather not have enemies
~I'm realizing I can understand (kind of) decisions someone made that changed my life but liking it or forgiving is a little harder
~Save Me, San Fransisco is speaking to me about another time but also about this time, all time, timeless as far as certain connection goes
~embracing the idea of "beginner's mind" is not as easy as I want it to be but each little bit closer I come is soooooooooo liberating!
~even though I know I'm a pretty good mom it still stings when my kid says I'm the worst
~even though I make plenty of parenting mistakes it still feels pretty fabulous when my kid says I'm the best
~when I look in the mirror I'm surprised by what is in my eyes, and not surprised at all
~I've realized and accepted that my path to 'me' to being a healthy stable 'grown up' has been perhaps longer than that of the average person.  But thats ok, everyone is on their own unique path right?
~I've realized and accepted that a big part of my fear in the past was that someone did know me better than I knew me.  Silly fear because really it was a blessing.
~I love that my walls are full of art that my son drew of him riding bulls.  I still miss when they were full of his drawings of Godzilla though
~I've burnt a few of my journals with the idea of 'letting go'.  Now I'm wishing I'd just kept them
~the reason I am keeping the dogs is much more about them being a great love of Spencer's life and stable in his life than my actually being crazy fond of them
~I get honestly emotional and upset when I remember Rita is dead.  Just a show just a show, I know.
~I'm looking at where my life is supposed to go, and what lessons I'm supposed to learn from the journey.  And realizing that I'm not as much of an old soul as I thought because there seem to be soooo  very many of those lessons I have to learn

Quite

I'm really quite lucky.  I have great friends who come over at just the right moment and bring all the makings for my favorite meal.  Sushi. ~They also bring all the makings for great conversation and laughter.  Really I'm quite lucky. 

Life isn't waiting for me to catch up!

There is no method to my photo, it is just an old one that I like, as I have not uploaded anything from my camera to computer the past few days.  Look how cute my almost 2 year old was?  I wanna squeeze him!

This post may get a little 'rambly'.  There is a lot getting sorted in my head and I think some of it may fall out here.  Corie, this is your warning, this may get too long to read, I understand:)

So, between the e-course I'm taking, a movie I watched last week and a couple of other things I've realized some things about me, about my life.  Breaking out of self destructive behavior patterns is so wonderful.  Figuring out what they are and why they happen and then deciding NOT to do them anymore has made me feel a little powerful.  (I won't get into details about my self destructive behavior, but if you know me I'm sure you can make an accurate diagnosis:)  My life is mine, this is the only chance I'm going to have to live it.  Here is a great quote someone shared with me this week:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”

Mary Oliver

Keyword that spoke to me: One.  I tend to 'get by' instead of really live.  What am I waiting for?  For some reason I put things off, thinking I can do the good stuff later.  The good things, the life I really want, the life I'd love can wait until later has been my way of thinking but now I realize my reasons for that just aren't healthy.  I've hidden behind "doing it for someone else" but not for me.  I've ended up hurting not only me, but others around me in the process of trying to live a life I "should" live instead of one that really fits and is meaningful.

This brings me to the movie I watched last week.  The movie is Smart People; Dennis Quaid, Sarah Jessica Parker, good movie, I'd say it is worth watching.  Dennis Quaid's character says to his daughter something along the lines of he doesn't think she is happy.  She responds by telling him that he isn't happy...and that he is her role model.  That really hit home for me.  By choosing to 'get by' instead of really live my life what is that showing Spencer?  He is going to learn by watching the grown-ups in his life and I don't want him for a moment to think it is ok to not be happy, to not follow his every dream, to settle for a life that is just 'ok' instead of a life he loves.  I also don't want him to see me letting myself be unhappy or unmotivated.  I want him to know that taking care of himself and being himself is absolutely the way he should live.  

On that note, I've come to realize all this and see what and where my life needs to change.  Now I just need to decide what changes exactly need to be made to get there.  Then be brave enough to make them.

Carried away with Watercolors

Using watercolors and such on too many pages in a row means your journal needs to spend some time in front of the heater to get all nice and dry and ready to be written in!  This was a lesson I learned last week!

Go HERE to find a great giveaway on a blog with beautiful beautiful stuff!

What is on your fridge?

Isn't the fridge a little window into the house?

The fridge seems to be a revolving display of the moments' favorites.  The pictures of Spencer and I when he was a baby seem to stay, I love seeing them everyday.  And the magnet frames that have pictures of Emily and I back in our roommate days always stay. 

Everything else moves for something else to come in.

Right now we have this year's school pictures of some nieces and nephew.  A calender magnet from Eve's Garden in Evanston, cute magnets my friend Amy made for me, a magnet from my friend Teresa's trip to North Dakota, Disneyland magnets from the 2006 trip Spencer and I took to California, stone word magnets I fell in love with on one of my trips with Robert, a Motley Crue magnet that speaks for itself, a favorite picture of Nat and Mak, a thank you note from Mak for the Christmas gift I gave her, a 'son up to son down' magnet from my mom, my recycle bottlecaps magnets and a picture of Spencer with 2 of his cousins this summer that I love!  I just took down all of the Christmas cards and packed them to be put in a scrapbook when I get around to it at some point.

Our hall is the display place for all the artwork that the many kids in our lives make, there is just not enough room on the fridge for all that!

What is on your fridge right now?

Lets get creative!

I've been taking a great e-course that started this past week.  It already is helping me in so many ways and I've had wonderful opportunities to connect with like minded people.  I really feel that I stumbled across it at just the right moment.  One day weeks ago I found and bookmarked Hip Mountain Mama's blog because it looked so good but I didn't have time to read that day, so later (last weekend) I finally found time to go read, and This is what I found.  That led me to This and This and I felt the idea pulling me so I jumped in!

There have been assignments each day that really have made me dig into figuring out me, and getting back to being me.  And, happily, have gotten me back to art-ing.  I have had a fantastic time pulling out some art supplies that I haven't used in oh so long.  On this note, I've also taken something I read in The Creative Family by Amanda Blake Soule to heart and tried harder not to have a segregation of  "my" art stuff and "kid" art stuff.  We've long had these drawers of "kid" art stuff

The drawers aren't going anywhere.  I do like that everything in them is "on limits" to all the kids we often have at our house and they know where to find them.  So my stuff will stay separate because I want to be more 'present' when the kids are using my favorite things than is always possible when we have a houseful of kids going a billion directions.  But, to incorporate this idea that I like, I've let Spencer, Emily and Makaylyn "art" with me and a mix of all the kid stuff and 'grown up' stuff the last couple of days, and its been a blast!  I'm going to let the kids have access to all the supplies when I'm able to be near by.   So much creative going on all over the place!

See our fun creative mess?  The table got full so the kids started using the floor as workspace.

How much is Emmy my kind of gal?  I love love love that almost everything she makes has a peace sign here or there!~

And here is a little peek at one of my "assignments" and of the workspace I had going on Friday before the kids joined me.

It has felt so good to just play and get creative with no pressure!  And I am really loving the guided meditation.  I had let meditation fall away from my life for some reason and I feel much more balanced now that I'm making an effort to include it in my days again.

I so recommend this course to you.  Really, are you listening?  It is good stuff.  If you are ready to go there that is.

A little more done on these projects and a little more to do

Here are a few things that the fabric my Aunt Sheila gave me turned into.  The tote bag started with plans as a purse but I didn't quite like how it was going so it made its way into a giant (suitcase for the whole family size) bag.  Tall enough for my knitting needles so chances are that is what may live there.

The little bags will have big, colorful, fun buttons along the top and will be gifted to our nieces over the next few months as birthday gifts, some will hold art supplies, some make-up.  I'm sure they'll all have a chance at holding some girls' treasures. There actually ended up being enough fabric in this set to make my giant bag and 6 little ones for the girls.  

Save Me, San Fransisco

I am somewhere else in my head lately.  I'm not in the present moment like I need to be.  Regret.  A useless emotion, so why can't I shake it?  I'm spending so much time reflecting on poor choices.  The what if game isn't oh so healthy.  The life in a parallel universe daydreams are ok though, I think.  And of course reminiscing and honoring memories is a good thing.  Just for now I want to be in 2001.  October 18, 2001 would be good.   Oh how I would love a game of pool, cold drinks, loud music and amazing conversation about everything that comes to mind right now.  How can you ever tire of talking about quantum physics and the benefits of breastfeeding?  Yep, I'm so missing all that. 
And have you heard Train's album "Save Me, San Fransisco"?  That album is almost entirely about my world back then.  I do realize it was released in 2009 so it wasn't actually what I listened to then, but almost the whole album speaks to me about back then.  Magical, wonderful.   Now back to daydreaming, listening to this great album and wishing for change in my present moment.